i've always wondered how it was like to be chased by someone you admire (yung tipong nagpapakipot, pero hinahabol pa din). to be honest, i have never met someone who showed me that much affection.
a couple of weeks a ago, i decided to create a dummy facebook account. an account that personified the girl i've always wanted to be. with that i made use of someone else's pictures who i believe is very desirable to guys. i know it's wrong!!! hindi tama na gamitin ko ang katauhan ng iba para sa mga kalokohan ko, pero ginawa ko pa rin.
after creating the dummy account, i added some friends, and just this afternoon i had the chance to chat with the two them in fb. the first person i exchanged messages with was really hot. 19 years old, an amateur model here in cebu, 5'11'' in height, fair complexion, really hot bod, the zanjoe marudo type. i saw him one time near my friend's house that's why i searched for him in fb. we were both in heat during our chat. i can feel the adrenaline rush in his messages (adrenaline rush??? parang may emergency lang!!!). chat sex kumbaga!!! nanginginig pa nga ang mga daliri ko ng mga panahon na yun! i can't help but imagine how it was like to get a taste of the real thing with him.
the second person i chatted was the total opposite of the first one. he's 5'5'' in height, not the athletic type, maputi, chinito, more like dennis trillo. ang angas ng look, bad boy kumbaga! in short, he is such a vision. this time, he even allowed me to see him on cam in yahoo messenger. grabe talaga! he's got really good looks kaya nga nag-audition na raw siya one time in abs-cbn cebu. boy next door ika nga! napakabait! boyfriend material!
after ending my chat with them, to my surprise, i was hurt, badly hurt emotionally.
MORE LIKE BROKEN, SHATTERED, TORN INTO PIECES. it was because i suddenly realized that it wasn't me who they wanted. i tried to chat with them using my personal account, pero hindi sila nag-rereply. nag-sink in bigla sa akin na i will never be someone who they will want, someone na hahanapin nila, paggugugulan ng panahon, gugustuhing makasama. in that very instant, i realized that i will never be a woman. kahit higitan ko pa ng one million times ang pagmamahal na kayang ibigay ng isang babae, still, i will never be loved like a woman. talaga nga namang napaka-unfair ng mundo.
ayaw ko na sanang i-blog ito kasi puro na lang kasawian ang naisusulat ko. i just want this experience to be a lesson learned, for me not to do it again. ; (