wala lang...

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

today, you borrowed my slippers!

; )

mura jud og bata, gikilig ni.borrow ra gani og tsinelas si mark.

hahay!

just when I thought I've learned my lessons...

just when I thought I would no longer find that someone...

just when I thought no one would make me fall again...

.......

.......

.......

.......

.......

and then YOU happen!

Why do you have to make me feel this way again???

Why do I even like you in the first place???

We've never been friends.

We haven't even talk like how normal people do. 

You should know that you're making it soooooo damn hard for me to go to work every single day!

It's so ironic how you always make my day, and how you seem to ruin it. 

One day, I know we'll go our separate ways, and then meet again.

 And maybe by then, you won't remember me, you won't even know I exist.

But I know, forever, I will long for you. ; ( 

-just a quickie post on my lunch break... ; (

TULONG NAMAN DYAN O!!! ;(

Dear Diary,


Today is a special day. Mark rode with me at the backseat of our car for a few minutes. I saw him on his way to a jeepney, and immediately called his attention to offer him a ride on our way to annex. I was  actually taken aback with my courage to shout his name. We've never been close, and i never had the guts to talk tohim before. Anyhow, it was a chance that I should not miss, and so I did take advantage of the situation! We talked a little inside the car but that was pretty much about it. When we arrived at our destination, he said thank you, and after that, things went back to normal. And by normal I mean me and him as strangers to each other. 

This same day I realize that he will never talk to me the way he talks to other people. He will never see as a person the way I want him to. He will never be interested in me, not as a lover, not even as a friend. And it hurts me so much because i have been through this before, and still I'm allowing myself to fall for him. That's just soooooooooooooo stupid of me. 

Huhuhuhhu. Ano dapat kung gawin??? 

INLABbabo

From the very first moment I laid eyes on you, I knew right then and there that you would mean something to me. And damn, I was not wrong! 

It's been more than a month since I started working, and since then I have been seeing you all the time, not only in our workplace, but almost everywhere. I don't know why, but you never fail to make me smile. I know we don't talk a lot, but your presence is more than enough for me.

Anyway, have I not told you that your cute little mustache and goatee looks good on you? Yeah, it does! Your height seems perfect for me, I know your short but you look really cute. The way you walk is a little strange because your ass moves left to right, and vice versa, weirdly. Your skin is really nice, it shows that you take care of your body, and you're conscious of how you look. Every time you pass by me, I would smell the fragrance in the air, and darn you smell good! And yeah, your smile tickles every single gay bone in my body! Your lips are red, and kissable. Your hair looks good. The way you talk amazes me. I don't know how to mingle with you, because everything you do is extraordinary.  

My admiration for you grows every single day, and I'm afraid if I won't stop now, I'd fall deeply. I'm writing this entry to remind me that there was a time when I have completely fallen for you, but I know I have to stop now before things get out of control.

New Life.

New work. New environment. New people. New challenges!


HAY!


Natatakot ako! Kasi napi-pressure ako sa bago kong work. It has been more than 2 weeks since I started working there. First week ko pa lang, gusto ko nang mag.give up, mag.quit! Nahihiya lang akong mag.quit kasi binigyan ako ng chance ng employer ko kahit wala akong prior experience sa work, or any job na related sa trabaho ko ngayon.


Count your blessings! Out of 300+ plus na applicant, 19 lang daw kaming tinanggap. Nakakahiyang mag.quit kasi baka sabihin nila ingrata ako. huhuhu!


Pero I feel so intimidated talaga. Paano ba naman, 75% ng kasabayan ko, may working experience na. 25% kahit walang experience sa field na ito, eh super talino naman at masisipag. The problem here is, wala na nga akong experience, hindi pa ako ganun ka talino. Is it really me, or is it just my low self-esteem talking. Hindi naman siguro ganun ka bobo ang employer ko para i.hire nya ako kung sa tingin nya hindi ako qualified sa work.


Sana lang talaga, makaya ko ito! I'll give it a year, and then I'll see what happens next.

ULTIMATE SADNESS...

Kung gaano ka-sad ang mukha ng baby na ito, ganun din ako ka.sad ngayon!


Ewan ko ba, I always feel like I'm second best if not walang kwenta.

Matalino naman ako. Hindi naman ako pangit, di nga lang katangkaran. Mabait naman ako sa mga kaibigan ko, lalo na kapag may pera ako, nililibre ko naman sila. Kung alam kong may problema ang tao, hindi na nya kailangang manghingi sa akin ng tulong, kusa akong tutulong. Masaya naman akong kakwentuhan.Sometimes, introvert nga lang. Mahiyain ako, oo. Kapag like ko ang isang tao, kahit anong atraso ng taong yun sa akin, pinapalampas ko na lang. Madali naman akong pakiusapan. Hindi nga lang daw approachable kasi medyo stricto yung look ko. 

Ewan ko ba. Alam kong hindi marami ang mga kaibigan ko, konti lang sila. Pero kaibigan ko pa rin sila. Kaya lang ni minsan hindi ko naramdaman na may taong tanggap ako ng buong buo. Yung taong alam kong gustong maging kaibigan ako. Parang ang sakit lang isipin.

All I ever wanted was to belong. 

Gusto ko lang naman na may taong mag.enjoy sa company ko, makasama ko mag.stroll sa mall, magkape sa kung saan-saan, magclubbing, magbiking, tumambay sa beach, kumain sa plaza ng siomai, katawanan, kaiyakan, yung masasabihan ko ng sama ng loob, yung taong mangangailangan sa akin kapag may problema sila.

Hay! 

I do believe no man is an island. Kaya Lord, kung may kaibigan kang ibibigay sa akin para maging karamay ko sa hirap at ginhawa, ibigay mo na naman oh. Hirap na kasi akong maghintay. ;  ( 

Gustong gusto ko nang umiyak. Na.iiyak na ako talaga. Ang sakit kasi sa loob. Parang ang hirap huminga. Pero hindi ako iiyak. Sayang ang luha ko. Tubig din yun, global warming ngayon, dapat mag-conserve ng water! T . T 

ANG PAGBABALIK!!!

Before anything else, I would like to greet everyone HAPPY NEW YEAR, HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR, AND HAPPY BALEMTYMS DAY! HEHE. 

Sa wakas, tapos na po ang paghihintay, I'M OFFICIALLY A REGISTERED NURSE! I know, I know, I know! haha. Ang galing ko talaga. I'm so smart kaya! hhaha.

At kasabay ng paglabas ng result ng NLE ay ang paglaya ko sa promise ko kay God na hindi ako lalandi. Kaya naman the other day lang, I started opening my planetromeo account again, at nagdownload pa talaga ako ng MIRC para lang makipaglandian sa #cebusex and #bi-cebu chatrooms, o diba di masyadong halata na na-miss ko talagang lumandi!

Anyway, I started checking out some profiles in planetromeo, and not so long after logging in, I saw a familiar account. He lives not far from my home. Just a 30-minute jeepney ride away. Familiar na talaga siya sa akin kasi there were a lot of times in the past that we planned to meet each other, kaya lang palaging hindi natutuloy. And this time, I said to myself eto na talaga, hindi pwedeng hindi matuloy to!

 He's cute, 5'7'', medium built, moreno, chinito, and through his dick pics, I can say he's definitely gifted! I arrived in his house at around 8:00 pm. When he invited me to enter his abode, I instantly saw two straight guys sitting in his living room. They were average looking. Nonetheless, I got excited thinking I will be joining an orgy for the first time (with 2 straight guys at that!).

In just a few moments, I kinda notice they were acting a bit weird. Yung parang tipsy lang! Pero I did not smell any trace of alcohol. Their eyes were a bit red. Kaya naman I felt kinda scared at that moment. Maya maya pa, the two guys said their goodbyes and we were left alone in his house. I got excited! Sabi ko, ito na talaga! This will be the best experience ever! He sat next to me in his living room. He was busy doing something with his laptop. He was still online sa planetromeo! While he was busy, we talked about almost anything. And then I asked who were the two guys awhile go, and why did they left. He said they are his friends, and every once in awhile they come to visit him!

Hindi para mangumusta!

Hindi para mag-dinner!

Hindi para makinood ng tv!

At lalong hindi para makipagsex!

PUMUPUNTA SILA SA BAHAY NA YUN PARA MAG-DROGA! MAG-SESSION. MAGPAKA-HIGH WITH THEIR FAVORITE SHABU!

That time parang gumuho ang mundo ko! Ok lang naman sana makigpagsex sa kanya with protection, kaya lang he was high that time! Natakot ako! He was already asking me for money kasi daw mag.se.session muna kami bago kami mag.se.sex! Kaloka! Gawin ba akong addict???

Natakot ako kasi the way he sounded, parang ang aggressive, na kapag hindi ka nya magugustohan, bubugbugin ka nya! And who knows, baka mapatay nya ako! Hindi nya controlado ang sarili nya! He's under the influence of shabu!

I was thinking of how to escape, kaya lang he stood up and locked the front door. He went to the powder room and brushed his teeth. Hindi na ako mapakali. I stood up and told him that I will be going outside to buy some candy kasi I saw a store nearby. He looked at me with a weird expression. I didn't know what he was thinking that time. I didn't wait for his answer. I went to the front door and I tried to open the door, kaya lang ang hirap buksan. Pinagpawisan na nga ako ng bonggang bongga! He was still staring at me, so I said "ang init noh??? sana may aircon sa luob ng room moh!"

Sa wakas bumukas ang pinto. I went out without looking back at him. I didn't go to the store. I went out directly outside the village! I turned off my phone! I was so happy I was still alive! Natakot talaga ako!

Paranoid lang ba talaga ako, or did I just act appropriately???

 If you were in my shoes, ano ginawa mo???